Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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