Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
