dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
