Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Vodka?
Forever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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