Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
