Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
