my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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