end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
