i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
