I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
