OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
