i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
