finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
