i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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