We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
