i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
