I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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