Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
