We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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