So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
