Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
