he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
