I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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