some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
