I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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