tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
