So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
