: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
