You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
