I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
