North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You can't special order awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
