i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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