Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
