I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
a search helicopter?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
