Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
