Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
