oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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