1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
