I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
