There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
