I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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