shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
