I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
