so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
