the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
