It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
