like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
