if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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