Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
