I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i think i just lost a toe
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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