i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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