Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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