4 words: hood of his car
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
