I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
